Why Bother

Being here in Orange County is like being on motivational opiates.

I AM NOT COOL

I was just thinking how I'd like to move to a different planet and know nobody and have no past or anything, but I realized how that is unpractical and now my position has shifted. I think the way to solve my dilemma is to just recreate totally from scratch any conception of who I think I am, and the first thing I need to make clear is that I am not a cool person in any way or by any means.

I'm not implying that previously I thought of myself as 'cool,' but I think by having a facebook profile and trying to enjoy good music and keeping up on trends I gave the impression that I think of myself as cool or seek to be seen that way. For the record I don't, and I can't be. I'm just not cool enough as it is and I have no motivation to make myself cool-- it's just too much work. Is blogging cool? I don't feel cool as I type away at my computer so I'm going to say no, it's not necessarily cool.

For one, I used to be funny but now I'm not. Somewhere along the line I lost the energy to make myself a spectacle and now I'm much more satisfied sitting on the sidelines. That's not cool. I also don't get fucked up enough anymore to be cool-- I get scared of blacking out and driving now, and I get hangovers really easily all of a sudden and it's just tiring having to deal with feeling shitty. I also can't BBM, so there's another subtraction of coolness points. I only have an iPhone and with that you can do everything but BBM. Poor little me. I don't really have a desire to BBM but I'm sure that statement will be met with "You don't know what you're missing"'s by others. Oh well.

Also, everything trips me out. Everything. Anything pop culture, movies, music videos, shopping, it all trips me out. It's not that it paralyzes me and makes me want to cry, it more inspires me to think and notice cultural problems and want to write about them. That is sooo not cool. I should be able to get excited about an upcoming film or be motivated to listen to the hot new jams but instead I'm more liable to find some huge social problem linked to media consumption and then tell myself I will not, would not, can not see that film. Or that show, or whatever. That's not cool, that's weird. And I'm estranging myself from society when I do that. A good example is how I see certain movie posters and I laugh inside and worry about the future of humanity because of their mass appeal while a friend then says he is so excited to see the same film. What's wrong with me, can't I have a little fun? The same goes for television shows, except I never know what's going on in TV land because I don't have a television because the shows can't hold my attention and the commercials I find truly insulting to my (and our collective) intelligence. All of this is not cool. Not cool at all.

I also have few friends and for some reason am not consistently troubled by that. Occasionally I'll want to meet people but I never make the effort and I'm not trying to pity myself. It's just how it goes. A few people have told me later after becoming friends that when we first met, they thought I hated them and I seemed like a jerk so I guess that may be somewhat linked to my low friend count. It's just so much effort to act like a cheery, friendly sorority girl though. I can't do it, it's too hard. I'm really not a jerk though, those people were mistaken. I'm a nice guy; but I'm not a cool guy.

Because of my few friends I also generally don't go out much. That's like the end-all for anyone that wants to be cool. To be cool, you have to be really social and go out a lot and do things, I think. I generally go to work and keep up on homework and read, or get really excited when interesting things happen in the news or just teach myself about interesting social movements and subcultures like the beginnings of drag queens or Cyberpunk. None of this recounting of my life is supposed to interest you the reader, I'm just using this to prove how truly un-cool I am.

Finally, I do things that are really not sexy. I pick my nose, I don't ride a bike or drive, I take the bus mostly everywhere and everybody knows the bus is probably the most unsexy mode of transportation out there. I also do not 'work-out.' I'm really skinny and pale and totally out of shape and none of this bothers me, which just shows how inherently uncool I am. One of my favorite parts of the day is waking up to an empty house and drinking my coffee and making a bagel. Then I manage to top it off with a shower and I'm super pleased. I don't even think people eat breakfast anymore so the fact that I make it a point to have the day's 'most important meal' is totally not bad-ass and thus, not cool. I'm also pretty good at budgeting my money and saving, which is not the typical tendency for my generation. We all have bad credit and don't care about money, but for some reason I can't help but stay on top of my finances. The fact that I even talk about finances is totally not cool because money is supposed to be totally insignificant and meaningless to my fellow free-spirited youths.

The point of this manifesto is basically to lower any expectations that myself or those around me may have regarding my actions. Do not be surprised if I bore you, because I have made it clear that I am not a cool person and am probably left with my own social apathy far into the unforeseeable future.

Still to Come! Is an Asteroid Headed Towards Earth...

This is so cool... Pink Floyd and the apocalypse. Amazing. I recommend watching in HD.

He Cheated On Me

Why do people insist on monogamy? What is in us that makes us crave a singular person, and more importantly, demand the inverse? Is it just because of our indoctrinative upbringing or is it a human need? I know there are some people out there in the world that believe they can make polygamous relationships work, but they are an incredibly small number and honestly I doubt how stable the relationships are.

The point is not even for me to reinforce the importance of a one-to-one relationship, in fact if anything, it's the opposite. But as much as I personally believe in questioning social orders, a part of me feels that I too would expect a love that is dedicated and reciprocating.

Maybe the reason why people want their lovers to be 'faithful' (ew cringe I hate to use that word) is simply connected with their expulsion of energy. It takes physical and emotional motivation to make love--oh I'll just say 'have sex'--with someone, and maybe when you find that the other person has multiple sources for sexual satisfaction, you feel like, what's the point? Why should I waste my energy on you when you could get something similar to these efforts of mine from someone else? But no--that wouldn't make sense, because sex is a two-way thing, both people benefit so it's not like you're giving all this energy and emotion and not receiving anything in return.

Could it be an issue of authenticity? Maybe someone is turned off by thinking that he or she might genuinely 'love' someone else, and their affection towards you is false. But that's kind of pathetic, I mean, can't you really really love two people at once? You can, right? I think that might be possible.

The authenticity issue kind of plays into a jealousy issue as well. Maybe one person gets jealous that their partner is getting some from someone else and thus, getting more sex than they are? And maybe that makes them jealous? No... That's too simplistic. Okay a hypothetical situation--a couple (hetero homo whatever doesnt matter), and they like are all about each other, but both are also hooking up with someone else too. If they found out, which they would in this story I'm telling, would they be mad at each other? Both are getting the same amount of sex, both people really adore the--- this example is falling apart, I can't tell where I'm going with it. But maybe that just reinforces my conundrum: if you know you're not planning on spending the rest of your life with a person, then why are we all so obsessed with monogamy?

Happy Christmas Eve, Iraqis!

I hope all of you are biting your nails in anticipation and behaving your best for Santa, because he's always watching you! Kind of like the CIA or the Bush Administration under the Patriot Act...

I found this fun (?) little tool, and I dont know if it's really informative or if it's just potentially ironic and grave. But anyways, you can put in an address or anything and see what the damaged area would be if it were subjected to an atomic bomb! Or any "WMD," for that matter... even the ones Saddam was allegedly using. Cool, huh!

So for example, if my school, UCLA, was bombed by the same weapon that destroyed Hiroshima in 1945, then basically the whole campus would be obliterated and a lot of the surrounding homes in Bel-Air would be as well. Major bummer. Try it for yourself! It's interesting how someone can make a gadget dealing with atomic bombs and it's relatively fine, but if someone hypothetically made a tool where you could animate airplanes crashing into your favorite buildings, a few people might find it upsetting. Time can heal so much.

Merry Christmas!!

and Happy Fourth Day of Hannukah!

Northern Lights

I've ALWAYS wanted to see the Aurora Borealis. Ever since I was a little boy. For real, because I learned about it when I was a little boy and I've wanted to see it ever since I learned about it. It's incredible.... Where could you ever see something like what's shown in these images? Amazing... I could use swear words to describe it but then I would just sound even more like a nerd. Look at these photos and then TELL ME you don't want to travel up north and see the real thing.

I'm drooling.

What's Wrong With This Headline??

BAGHDAD CELEBRATES FIRST PUBLIC CHRISTMAS AMID HOPE, MEMORIES

Am I the only person that sees this as somewhat problematic?? A few excerpts from the article:

"'All Iraqis are Christian today!,' the [Iraqi Interior Ministry spokesman] says."

"Santa balloons hang from trees. An artist uses oil paint to create a portrait of Jesus."

"Afnan, 12 years old, shows me her model called 'Arresting the Terrorists.'"
"Many of the people attending the Christmas celebration appear to be Muslims, with women wearing head scarves."

Umm, damn right they appear to be Muslim, 97% of Iraq's population are Muslim!! Call me crazy, but it almost seems like this story was solely reported on and written for Westerners. The way it describes the 'hopeful' scene is as if it's painting a palatable picture of a progressive Baghdad reveling in its moments peace, security, and Christianity. The fact that this outright Western celebration is being orchestrated by the government, I think, shows how tight our country's hands are wrapped around the Iraqi Ministry's neck. What are huge portraits of Jesus, Men dressed up as Santa Claus, and decorated Christmas trees doing in a country that is less than three percent Christian? Not only that, but also the fact that we all know the country is really struggling to maintain its cultural identity amidst an occupation by ignorant Westerners. It's not that I think Iraq is some muddy third-world country that will never comprehend stability, I just think it's a bit peculiar that an ostentatious celebration of Christmas is being promoted by the government for three percent of its constituents.

It makes me think that if the natives there aren't exactly begging for such a celebration, then maybe the party isn't really even for them, maybe it's for some other people that loooove Christmas, and love to see others celebrating their beloved holiday that successfully fuses the consumers of religion and the religion of consumerism. Basically just a last-ditch effort to gain some approval from Americans or at least give the air of progress?