20 January 2009

Blogging About Blogging About Feelings

I am in an absolute emotional state of despair.

Of course, actually saying that publicly makes it seem less than authentic, but I'm hoping this post will simply help vindicate my feelings at this moment and not so much paint me as some tragic tormented fool.

I really don't know why I've been so hopelessly sad over the past two days. The only thing that has happened to me personally is that my roommate moved back in after a few months of leave, and I honestly can't let myself believe it is that which is causing all this trouble. I also have an oral exam tomorrow in my French class which I found out about a several hours ago, so that's a little stressful, but it's not the forefront of my worries. 

The thing is, by most standards, it's been a great day. Obviously my country started a new path today, and renewed its relevance to the rest of the world for at least four years. I also managed to finally enroll in a class that I've been petitioning to add for weeks. Additionally, I got to go to work and get paid to listen to an interesting author (Jim Shepard, I believe?) tell of his creative process. I had a lovely, peaceful morning drinking coffee and the day went rather smoothly. I told myself I'd channel my inauguration inspiration into positive personal efforts and I successfully studied a lot of French today and really accomplished a respectable amount of personal duties. So what's my problem??

This is partly why I'm so bothered by the whole situation. I really can't put my finger on why exactly I've been fantasizing about leaving UCLA for UCI and living at home with my loving family. For many 21-year-olds, I think the idea of moving back home is a sick joke. How could this possibly seem appealing to me? 

Shoot I keep forgetting to call my friend back. Damnit. Robert, if you read my blog, I'm sorry for not calling you back. I got your message when I was drunk so I forgot about the whole thing. I'm a horrible person.

I'd love to keep typing out my issues but unfortunately I have to put my inner-self aside and force-feed some French into my psyche and then flesh it out in the form of a comparative essay and later tomorrow an oral exam. Bon nuit.


Answer said...

je voulais faire du comment sur ton blog qui est sur "Glitter".

I wanted to comment on the 9/11 blog, but i could find the button.

The Pre 9/11 idea you brought up was insanely interesting.

Are you trying to say that everything since 9/11 has taken itself more seriously?

Do you think Glitter took itself seriously ever?

Are you trying to say that everything since 9/11 has gotten innately better.

That no art created after such a devastaion could possibly be meaningless. No, not anymore?

While I could disagree with you, purely on the basis that terrorism is a worldwide occurence, and an occurence that occurs in other countries all the time...

I'm not preaching, or hating. I really enjoyed thinking about it.

It provoked a happy little artistically integritous (is that a word? cause if it's not, I'm coining it and it means "has integrity").

It's like picking out a literary concept from Dracula. Calling Modernism hopelessly anti-semitic or something like that.

It's like indentifying Virginia Woolf as slightly, or more than slightly, lesbian in every main femal character she writes.

It's like noting Septimus Smith from Mrs. Dalloway and saying he represents the anti-war literary movement.(two Virginia Woolf references in a row kind of ruins the rhythm, sorry)

Est-ce que tu parles bien le francaise?

Moi, je l'aimes beaucoup et je voudrais penser que je peux le parler bien, mais c'est certain que j'ai besoin d'apprendre plus.

J'espere que tu as bien fait ton examen.

Merci pour blog.

Nic said...

so many questions...
i mean, im not really ready to say whether we've taken ourselves for seriously or not since 9/11. for a while we did, but then we let our minds be numbed again with massive consumerism.

i do think that that day distinctly changed us, as does everybody, but i think it changed us in a way we may/may not yet realize. in a while from now i think that will be a clear marker for the new era we're confusedly inhabiting right now.

and no, i dont think glitter ever took itself seriously in a way, but thats part of the point. it was a cancerous sort-of media creation that tried to cross all these different mediums and somehow thought it would be a success. the fact that it was even produced says a lot about our society at the time and where we were heading.

regarding the art thing, i can't generalize about which are is/isnt meaningless because it varies depending on the artist's vision and the fact that they go out of their way to even produce such would imply some sort of meaning, at least in the personal sense. but i will also add that it's really hard for me to see something like glitter as a work of art. personally it seems more like a consumer product that a piece of art. more like a television channel than a thoughtful film. or even a medication rather than a thought-provoking statement.

and finally, i've never heard of the word 'integritous' but you certainly have to power to make it known!
thanks for readingggg